After the Fall
by Spartangal22
Summary: "Because his life is getting better and he's beginning to separate it into two parts – Before the Fall and After the Fall – and the stuff from one life belongs in one place in his mind and the stuff from the other belongs in the other place and that seems logical and Sherlock would appreciate that." Sherlock isn't the only one missing in John's life After the Fall.


_Two Weeks After The Fall_

Mrs. Hudson invites him into her flat after they visit the grave, and he doesn't reply but follows her in. They've run out of things to say to each other – there are only so many times they can ask each other, "What happened?" and "Are you okay this morning?" and "What did we do wrong?" They can deny the reports – the reports saying he's a fraud, that he's a coward, maybe a murderer, Moriarty's autopsy results aren't in yet – but they don't need to deny the reports because they both know they're wrong and it doesn't matter anyway. So they don't talk and she sniffles and stares vaguely out the window and it takes the smallest amount of hurt away to know that they can sit like this and be there for each other and not say a word. She moves to get him coffee and comes back with two cups, though, and she doesn't drink coffee and then she breaks down and John has to leave.

_One month After The Fall_

Greg came by again, and asked him to come out to dinner with him, but John is busy searching for a new flat. Greg offers to help and John doesn't turn him down, he just doesn't reply, so he and Greg go flat hunting. They won't find anything, though, because Greg told the taxi to go to the part of town that John can't afford – has never been able to afford – but Greg doesn't know that because he assumed that John and Sherlock split the rent 50/50 and John doesn't want to tell him that he's just as broke as the day he moved into 221B at a discount with a roommate who paid for 75% with money he got from who-knows-where but it doesn't matter now because he's dead and the money is probably with his brother. But he and Greg haven't seen each other since the funeral and Greg has gained a little weight and John has lost some and they stop for lunch and promise to do it again soon.

_Three Months After the Fall_

John has finally gotten to the point where he doesn't have to keep his remote in his hand when watching the news because he's fairly confident that nothing about Sherlock is going to pop up anymore. It was getting annoying, trying to get distracted by turning on the TV and then finding the thing he was trying to distract himself from on the screen in front of him, doing the opposite of distracting. There's a commercial for a new movie coming out, and John almost thinks about going to see it, but he doesn't know he would see it with. Not that Sherlock would have gone with him, but he hasn't spoken to Mrs. Hudson in a while and besides it doesn't look like her kind of move, and Greg has work, which John doesn't want to hear about, and he and Molly don't do stuff outside the morgue so they don't do stuff at all now and John has to wait for the movie to come out on DVD.

_Four Months After The Fall_

John bumped into Molly in the supermarket this afternoon. He hardly recognized her without her lab coat on, even though he saw her that one time at Christmas. But John tries not to remember those things so it makes sense that he doesn't realize it's her until she's said his name three times and put a hand comfortingly on his arm. He doesn't shake her off and he tries to smile. She's buying milk, same as him, and he almost tells her about how he and Sherlock always argued over who had to buy milk but she hasn't mentioned Sherlock yet so he's not going to bring him up either. And Molly seems happy and sad at the same time, which he understands because he feels that way a lot lately, except for the happy part. She asks how Mrs. Hudson is doing and John has to admit that he hasn't spoken with her in a while but she sounds okay from the messages she's left on his machine and then Molly looks a little concerned so he tells her has to go to work, which is a lie, he has to go to a job interview, and she wishes him well and he forgets what else he was buying and just gets the milk.

_Seven Months After the Fall_

John opened the paper that morning and saw an article about Anderson. He always reads the police reports – he likes to know how Greg is doing, since they never did get together for lunch. Anderson had been fired, it said, because of a recent outburst regarding the late Sherlock Holmes. John almost sets the paper down at that point, but Sherlock didn't like Anderson and he decides to honor his friend's memory by reading the rest. That's the only mention of Sherlock, though, and the article ends abruptly. John's curious and almost picks up the phone to call Greg – he's still in his speed dial – but puts the phone back down and finishes his eggs instead.

_Nine Months After the Fall_

John saw Anderson at the movies. He looked like a homeless person. John kept walking.

_One Year After the Fall_

The first message was from Mrs. Hudson. She's concerned about him and doesn't want him to be alone today and she understands because she doesn't want to be alone either and she thought maybe they could go to the graveyard, like they did that one time, with the flowers. And while she's calling she remembers that she wants to come over and see the flat – it's probably a mess and she could help tidy up, if he liked, (and John knows that it_ is_ a mess but she's not his landlady and not his housekeeper.) And John feels a little bad when he deletes the message but she's started crying and he can't understand what she's saying anyway.

Greg calls too, just a, "Hi, how's it going? Long time, no see" message that happens to coincide with the one year anniversary of the day his best friend tossed himself off a building.

Molly is late, and last, because she had to work late. There was murder victim brought to her today and she was excited because it was the first time she'd seen Greg in half a year and then she remembered that she hadn't seen John since that day in the supermarket and, of course, the dead body reminded her of John too - _because you used to solve murders_, she adds hastily, lest he get the wrong idea and think of Sherlock's dead body all bloody on the sidewalk. She doesn't offer to get together (because what would they do?) but she says hi and she's thinking of him and she misses the old days when she saw him more.

John goes to bed early. The scotch made him sleepy.

_One Year, One Month, and One Week After the Fall_

His therapist told him to start blogging again. Because it helped last time. John does tell her that it wasn't the blogging that helped last time, it was what he was blogging about, and so she suggests he write about the same stuff because there must be more stories he didn't tell and she's right and John agrees to think about it and he does. And that night he writes a blog. And people comment. And it's kind of fun to see all the old screen names pop up and Greg sends him a text because he doesn't have a screen name and John spends half the night deleting comments from some unwanted people from the blog and half the night deciding which case to write about next.

_One Year and Three Months After the Fall_

John got a job – a real job, not the temp jobs he's been working for other doctors when they get sick or go on vacation, so now he can stop saying, "Dr. Blank couldn't see you today so I'll be working with you instead." He didn't mind doing that Before because his real job was his blog and consulting his best friend, the world's only consulting detective and his medicine was something he did on the side, but he is happy to have a normal job again. He'd prefer the blogging and consulting, but that's not an option. Now the blogging is just something he does for fun, and he still does it, and Greg still texts, and finally he texts back and they go out of the lunch they said they were going to do a year ago and it's actually pretty fun and they don't talk about Anderson or Sherlock, they just talk about work, which is less exciting but more normal and normal, John thinks, is good right now.

_One Year and Six Months After the Fall_

John met a girl, and he likes her, and he'd only known her for a few hours and all he really knew about her was that her favorite movie was _James Bond_ but he asked her out anyway and she said yes and he's not really sure why because he's not that much fun anymore. But he's taking her out – just to dinner, not to a circus or anything, never that again –and so he has to be fun.

_One Year and Eight Months After the Fall_

Greg came over with stuff of Sherlock's. It was the first time anyone from his old life has been to his flat and he feels bad for not inviting Greg over before because Greg has invited John over to his house dozens of times, including Christmas, but John never said yes so he really shouldn't feel bad but he does anyway. And Greg comments on how nice the flat looks and John tells him it's because Mary was over and Greg asks who Mary is and John wonders how it's happened that he hasn't told Greg about her. But he tells him and they talk about stuff and that stuff includes Sherlock and that hurts more than John likes even though it's been over a year and a half but at the same time it's nice to hear his name aloud because the only person he really spends much time with is Mary and Mary didn't know Sherlock. And when Greg leaves, John watches the video in the box and decides to stop writing his blog. Again. Because his life is getting better and he's beginning to separate it into two parts – Before the Fall and After the Fall – and the stuff from one life belongs in one place in his mind and the stuff from the other belongs in the other place and that seems logical and Sherlock would appreciate that. And now is the After the Fall and the blog was Before the Fall so it's time to be done with the blog and go have lunch with Mary. And he's growing a mustache, because clean-shaven John was also Before.

_Two Years After the Fall_

He's going to propose to Mary. And he's fairly confident that she'll say yes, or else he wouldn't do it. And he's already started thinking about where they're going to live (they'll need a real house, both their flats are too small) and if they'll have kids (which they won't, he's too tired) and if she'll change her name (he hopes she will). He doesn't think about the actual wedding, though – just the after parts. He'll let her plan that; she'll like that. He's not good at all that stuff, and he doesn't much care, but he knows that she's going to need a guest list from him and he starts to put one together even though he doesn't really want to plan the wedding. And he wonders if it would be too strange to invite Greg and Molly and Mrs. Hudson, or if it would stranger not to. He'll invite Greg; they see each other now, in a casual, old-acquaintances-who-used-to-be-friends, kind of way, a let's-catch-up lunch every few months. And he should invite Molly because she won't mind that they don't talk anymore and she's nice and she'll be happy for him and it'll make her feel good to get an invitation and know he still thinks about her and besides Mary will like her. He will have to talk to Mrs. Hudson if he's going to invite her, and he should invite her.

He realizes suddenly how strange it is that none of them have met Mary. But Mary is After the Fall and they are Before the Fall, and those things don't mix so it's not that strange. He wonders if they get together without him, but he doubts it. Mrs. Hudson lives alone and gossips and drinks tea and Greg solves murders and works and Molly lives among the dead and John is moving on with his life and marrying Mary. And Sherlock is dead. And John reflects that the only thing really strange about the whole situation is that their group only fell apart after Sherlock's death, and that for a man so convinced that everyone hated him, it turned out he was the one that held them all together.

* * *

**Well, that was substantially most angst-ridden than I planned on. I've rarely done John's voice, so this was an ****interesting experiment for me. I hope it was interesting to read as well ;)**

**Read and review. Nothing makes me happier than your feedback. **


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